I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
