If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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