Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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