it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
