WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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