Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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