I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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