I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
