I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
