A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
