Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
