i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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