You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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