Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
