Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize