thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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