Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
