Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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