Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I want to have your abortion
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
