If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
