How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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