If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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