where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
