I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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