you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
