She is in my trunk
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
