Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
