Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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