If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
