Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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