i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my being single is dangerous.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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