I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
