You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
FUCK WHALES
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
