I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
