No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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