HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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