Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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