3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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