Are we in a gay sports bar?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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