You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
