I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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