i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i think my cat just said my name.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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