I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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