Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
