Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
