they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
