yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
