Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
