There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
