my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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