Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
