So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
