Midget sex pt 2 tonight
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
