I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my liver is dry heaving
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
