I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
