She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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