I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
