mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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