my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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