dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
