Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
