I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
