Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
why is half of my head shaved?
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