apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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