? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
