mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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