bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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