You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
