phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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