Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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