Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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