Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
