look no pants
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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