you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
