If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
