I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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