Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
