Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
