How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
