Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
