one might say we're banned from that church
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
