i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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