We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
