You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need moral support for this bender
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
