I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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