Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
