My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
