i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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