I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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