oh god the rape fog is back!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
