i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
