Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
