youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
send nudes
from the living room?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
