He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize