Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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