I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
