Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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