My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
