Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
