my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
