Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
